


One More Chance

by Enochianess



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Letters, M/M, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-08-29 06:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8478427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enochianess/pseuds/Enochianess
Summary: Written for the prompt: I want a short fic of Isak writing a letter to Even. After he gets home from seeing the kiss. Just explaining how Even changed his life. And he finally found his home, with Even. And now that he back with Sonja, he just feels lost. I was thinking about writing this, but I am extremely new to this fandom. Bonus points if you write Even receiving and reading the letter.





	1. Isak

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't even been in the fandom for a week, so I apologise if it's a little ooc  
> I've tried my best!

Isak’s drunk and his hands ache from the cold, his eyes are bleary with tears and his heart hurts, but the moment he gets back home he takes out a notepad and a pen and starts to write. He doesn’t really know what inspires him to do it, but once he starts he can’t stop.

 

_Even,_

_I’ve never written to anyone before. It’s not something I normally do, so if it seems awkward and disjointed then that’s why. I have too much to say to just text you and I can’t stand the thought of seeing you right now. So yeah, I’m writing you a letter._

_The past few weeks have been some of the best of my life. Spending time with you, getting to know you… it’s turned everything upside down. It’s like everything was in black and white before and I never noticed, but now the world is a kaleidoscope or something. You’ve brought color into my life, awoken a part of me that I never knew existed. I don’t know whether to thank you or curse you for it. I don’t feel complete like I thought I would, at least not now anyway._

_Do you remember when you told me about the ‘brain is alone’ feeling? I didn’t know what you meant then, about there being nothing but you and your thoughts, trapped until death. Now I understand exactly what you meant. It’s the insignificance and lack of control, right? The very idea that nothing else is tangible but what’s going on in your head. Everything is out of touch. I much prefer your idea of being the director of your own life. At least that way I would have you._

_It feels like you came along and fixed something I didn’t know was broken, like you were some essential piece to my puzzle. I thought I’d found my home. It felt that way to me when we were together. Do you know what I mean? That feeling of warmth, safety, contentment… That’s how I feel when I’m with you. That day in my room was one of the best days of my life, even though we spent the whole time doing nothing. I could spend forever doing nothing with you._

_Now I just feel lost. I saw you kissing Sonja. I know I wasn’t supposed to be at the party and I wasn’t supposed to see anything, but I was and I did. I saw everything. It hurts so badly I can barely stand it, like part of me was torn away the moment I saw you, like there’s a gaping hole in my chest._

_It feels like you’re the only one who really knows me now, and now that I’ve lost you, I’m all alone. It’s just me and my thoughts._

_The worst thing about it is that I really thought we had something, that we were going to **be** something. I feel like the only thing about me that I know anymore is that I like you. I don’t know if that makes me gay, or bisexual, or what. But apparently you or Sonja told Emma that I’m gay, so I guess the whole school will find out what I haven’t even admitted to myself soon enough. That’s what you meant when you said you’d told Sonja about me, right? Not that you like me too, but that I was gay. If that’s the case, then you’re a dick. If I’m gay, then you’re not straight either. Maybe we’re both just confused. Is it possible for me to like you and only you? That’s what it feels like. Maybe you just like me too. Maybe neither of us has to be gay. _

_I don’t know where to go from here. It all seemed so much easier to deal with when it was the two of us going into it together. But, I guess that’s not happening anymore._

_If you want to be with Sonja, I understand. You have a history together and I’m just a confused kid. I get that you’re probably not ready for this. It’s scary for me too._

_Don’t bother to reply to this. Just read it and think about it._

_I’ll probably see you around._

_— Isak._

_P.S. I don’t hate you. I couldn't even if I tried._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will cover Even reading the letter


	2. Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even reads the letter

Even finds the letter on the seat of his bicycle. He’s confused, the scrawl on the envelope unfamiliar. Who writes letters anymore? Who the hell would write to him? He folds it in half and puts it in his pocket to read when he gets to school; he’s running late and doesn’t have the time right now.

He’s in his first class when he reads it. He was intending to wait until lunch, but it’s been burning a whole in his pocket since he left home. His stomach drops immediately when he notices Isak’s name at the bottom, the handwriting wobbly as if he was shaking while he wrote it.

_I could spend forever doing nothing with you,_

Even swallows thickly,

_I saw you kissing Sonja,_

A gasp,

_It hurts so badly I can barely stand it,_

A guilt so strong it gnaws at his insides,

_I feel like the only thing about me that I know anymore is that I like you,_

A flutter in his gut,

_If I’m gay, then you’re not straight either,_

A stinging at the back of his eyes,

_It all seemed so much easier when it was the two of us going into it together,_

_It’s scary for me too,_

A snivel. The heels of his hands pressing into his eyes.

_Just read it and think about it,_

_I don’t hate you. I couldn’t even if I tried._

He packs his bag quickly and slips out of the classroom when the teacher’s back is turned. He rushes into the bathroom and locks himself in one of the stalls, sitting heavily on the toilet seat and burying his face in his hands. He can’t help the hot tears that spill over and stream down his face, his chest so tight it’s almost painful. He can feel his heart beating heavily, his pulse beating too quickly. He feels sick.

 _What the fuck have I done?_ He thinks. God, he’s screwed up so bad. This thing with Isak is the first good thing that’s happened to him in months. It’s the first thing that’s made him happy. Sure, Isak’s a little ignorant and naïve, but Even can live with that. The thought that he’s hurt him… it’s devastating. He never meant to do that. And that kiss with Sonja… she’d kissed him, not the other way around. Sure, he kissed back, but it was instinct. They’ve been together for years. It was a mistake, a simple but awful mistake. He can’t imagine what it must have been like for Isak to see it. God knows how much it hurt to see him kissing Emma, and they weren’t even a thing then.

Wiping his eyes, Even takes his phone out of his pocket.

**Can we meet somewhere?**

He bounces his leg up and down, desperate and impatient for Isak’s reply.

**Why?**

**I need to talk to you. Please?**

**Where?**

**Behind the bike shelter by the science block.**

**When?**

**After class.**

**Okay.**

Even paces back and forth while he waits for Isak, his breath visible in the cold air. Every time he hears footsteps he looks up, his stomach twisting with nerves. It takes what feels like an inordinate amount of time before the footsteps finally belong to Isak. He looks exhausted; his face pale, dark shadows beneath his eyes, his cheeks slightly sunken. Even wants to reach out, to pull him into his arms, but he knows he’s lost the right to do that.

“Hey,” He says, his voice cracking even on that single word.

“Hi.” Isak replies. He won’t even look at him, his gaze fixed on something over Even’s shoulder instead. Even hates it.

“I read your letter.”

Isak meets his eyes then, a slight flush to his cheeks. “I told you not to reply. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I get it. We should just move on.”

Even steps forward and reaches out before thinking better of it and letting his arm drop back to his side. “I don’t want to move on.”

Isak looks down, his fingers twisting in the material of his sleeves. He sways a little from side to side, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. “But you don’t want to break up with Sonja either.”

“I did break up with her. She was just… I don’t know. We’ve been together for a long time.”

“I can’t be with someone who can’t make up their mind about me. Either you want her or you want me. It’s not fair to anyone for you to keep going back and forth.”

“I know.” Even whispers.

“So what are you going to do?” Isak asks. He looks up at Even, challenge in his eyes. He’s standing his ground.

“I don’t know.”

Isak nods, his lips folded in, and scratches at the back of his head. “Mhm.”

“I like you, Isak,” Even says, stepping forward. He winces when Isak takes a step back. “I really do. I just need some time. Can you give me that? Please?”

Even watches as Isak’s throat bobs. He looks like he’s in deep thought, his eyes fixed on the ground. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Even repeats, a wide smile spreading across his face.

“One more chance.” Isak warns.

“I’ll take it.”

Even steps forward with open arms and Isak leans into the embrace, this time not shying away from Even's affection. A shiver of pleasure runs down Even’s spine at the warm contact and he feels content for the first time in days.

 _One more chance,_ Even thinks. _I won't fuck it up this time_.

And he won't, because the person in his arms... he's everything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels like a terrible piece of writing to me, so go easy on me if you're leaving a comment

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [tumblr](http://enochianess.tumblr.com) and [youtube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCASBQ68lbb2CWPhhZuRmC_A)
> 
> If you liked it, please leave kudos or comments!


End file.
